Death Comes As A Friend
H. S. Stavropoulos

The clock chimed; the hour came. The woman’s eyes scanned the many family
photographs on the mantel. Where was her best-est boy, nudging her to go out?
“Time for a walk!” She called to him.
She pushed herself up from the armchair. “Oogh,” she laid a hand flat against
her lower back. She shuffled towards the door and exchanged soft fleece-lined
house slippers for rugged outdoor boots. She buttoned her sweater then grabbed
the puffy mid-ankle-length coat from the peg on the wall.
She bent to fit the slider into its track, fumbled with the zipper then finally
pulled the tab up to her neck. She absently reached for the leash on its peg before
she remembered. Her hand stopped, and she tapped the photo like a talisman.
The red-coated puppy with its soft tongue and toothy smile, suspended in time
on the wall above a set of bowls layered with dust from disuse.
Snow flurries swirled around as she pushed the door against a bitter gust of
wind. Where once she and her steadfast companion would have run and played
amongst the soft floating laces of falling ice, she trudged alone. Her head down,
thoughts empty. Her heart longed for the glee of her four-footed companion.
She marched alone towards the end of the street, which meets the dunes in
front of the sea.
As she approached the beach, a child skipped right into her path. Another
child, now grown and half-way around the world, flashed through the woman’s
memory. Skipping joyfully was the core of every childhood, and the envy of every
adult. She smiled and continued, her feet crunching the thin layer of snow now
accumulated on the sidewalk. The hairs on her neck rose.
The child continued ahead. The woman looked around for a parental unit, a
grandparent, or even a sitter. Modest homes and mature trees lined either side of
the narrow street. The houses glowed with the warmth of families around tables
for their evening holiday meal. Multiple cars emphasized the gatherings inside. She
and the child were alone.
“Where are your parents?”

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The child ignored her and skipped towards the beach. The woman shrugged
and followed; presumably adults would appear soon, frantically searching for
their kid. For now, the woman watched the light-footed child. The bitter wind
died down, freeing the woman from clutching her coat tightly around her.
Her arms swung at her sides with ease. Her steps didn’t stumble on the uneven
sidewalk or the wayward stolon creeping across the pavement from the trees.
The woman marveled at the dazzling stars, no longer hidden by clouds. The
flurries had ceased as well.
The child’s skipping feet seemed to hover above the ground; easy steps
of unburdened youth. Hadn’t the woman been that carefree, once? She raked
through the cobwebs clouding her childhood memories. But only the effortless joy
of puppy paws racing across the snow and jumping up to catch snowflakes came
to the woman’s mind. Mostly she remembered the dark and joyless days. Cancer.
The dark evil that robbed her of the complete joy of children and family. Cancer
carved a sharp dividing line of Before and After in her life.
Watching the child, a shiver raced through the women as she began to suspect
something more.
“I know who you are,” her voice quivered. “It’s my time, isn’t it?”
The child stopped skipping and turned to face the woman.
“Yes.” A voice filled the woman’s ears.
The woman’s heart beat like a drum. She should just collapse dead right there,
shouldn’t she? She waited, but remained alive.
“Great. I have questions. Why does your master stand around and do nothing
while children die? Why the fuck is there cancer?” She paused to take a breath,
and her breath rattled.
“Why does evil seem to win more than good?”
The child turned away and continued to skip towards the beach.
The woman aimed several curse words in every language she knew at the child’s
departing figure.

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“I really don’t like you,” she coughed, and her breath rattled even more. “Why
bother revealing yourself if you’re not going to tell me anything? Shouldn’t you be
comforting me? Helping me pass my last moments quietly, reminiscing about all
the people I’ve loved, places I’ve seen, running with my dogs and maybe even being
visited by their ghosts?” She wagged her finger at the child. “You’re not very good
at this. Are you new? Did I get a discount Death to help me over?”
“Everyone gets what they need.”
“Then you should be a dog. Far better companion to the afterlife.” The woman
breathed heavily as her boots slogged through the snow-covered sand. “I’d follow
a dog into Hell.” She spat at the child. “Far less scary than children. These days
people are afraid to help children; puts one at risk for misunderstandings and being
called ‘pedos.’”
“I’ll take it under advisement.” The very un-childlike voice responded.
“Please do.” She stopped to take a shallow rattling breath. “Is there an ‘afterlife’?
Or do we just fade into oblivion?”
The child smiled, “you’ll just have to find out for yourself.”
“Suppose I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
The child shook its head, and the woman sighed.
“When you’re young and it hurts, they call them growing pains, but there is no
soothing name for the pain before death.” She stopped and clutched at her chest,
breathing heavily. “We all have to die. Alone. This isn’t a trip you want to take with
someone. But it would be nice to be met with a friend.” She glanced at the child. “I
want my dog. To see him one more time.”
“Which one?”
“I’ll take all of them. But if not all, then Orion. He was the best-est boy ever.” She
spoke in the sing-song way she used to talk to him. In her mind’s eye she saw his face
and his tail wagging rhythmically. “My best boy.”
“Why not your baby?”
She turned on the child. “Never. Don’t ever dangle my baby in front of me as a
way to get what you want.”
Images of the pediatric ICU flashed before her eyes. A tiny hand in hers, and then
a lifeless body cradled in her arms. Tears formed in her eyes. Her heart consumed,
again, by the deep sharp ache.

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The pain that never left, lying dormant; only to be summoned back to life by
memory, like a slumbering dragon that awoke to burn everything in its path. The
path was across her heart and soul. The woman stood wracked with sobs. When
she finally tamped down her pain and sealed it back into the hole in her heart, she
turned on the child and spewed all the pent-up fury that hadn’t had a tangible target
until now. At least death was good for something.
“You gave him cancer, so fuck it! You and your boss too.”
The child did not respond.
“I’d rather pass alone, buzz off.”
The woman turned her back on the child. She took a few steps forward, then
stopped and used her left boot to push away the snow. She lowered herself onto the
sand and faced the water. The sea spread out before her, the sun an orange ball. The
sky turned shades of pinks, purples, and plums.
“Now this is the perfect view to die to.”
She waved her hands towards the horizon. The prominent veins and crinkled
skin gave her pause. She was old. Her life was at its end. She spent this last holiday
alone to spare her family. Released from the obligation, her granddaughter and
great-grandchildren opted to travel. She would have been a burden accompanying
them. Now, she hoped they were enjoying themselves and happy with their decision
instead of sitting huddled around her as she died.
The woman looked back on her life. Well-spent moments of utter joy,
accomplishments, and pain of course. She believed that joy was only appreciated
when contrasted with pain. She only wished her pain hadn’t been so deep, so soulcrushing. And now this, another moment, a growing pain of the final kind; moving
through to the next phase. The mirrored water, dyed in the colours of the setting
sun, brought contentment to her. The sun slid towards the sea in its final descent.
Final for her at least.
A warm muzzle nudged her bare hands. The woman turned her eyes from the
sunset to the puppy sitting next to her. Tail wagging and tongue hanging out, with
eyes that reached into her soul and warmed her.
“My best-est boy!” Joy coursed through her at the sight of his wagging tail. Her
face creased with the widest smile. She hugged him. He licked her face as tears
overflowed from her eyes. She snuggled against his warm fur.
“You came back for me.”

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